Wozzeck

It has been awhile since I sat down and listened to this piece.
Based on a play by Georg Buchner, it is an intense story of a man and a woman, and oddly enough their child.

The man, Wozzeck, in my opinion is a victim of the typical story of jealousy. He has horrible nightmares and suspects his wife, Marie of being unfaithful.

Marie is devout in her religion and is in fact having feeling for another man... and everyone knows about it.  Wozzeck's rage takes over and is about to beat her. She then says, not even her father laid a hand on her, and that she would rather have a knife in her belly than a hand on her.

That is exactly what she gets later. Wozzeck murders her with a knife... his guilt consumes him as he is trying to wash the blood off and throw the knife away in the pond.  He drowns himself.

So what happens to the kid?  In this story, who is the hero? Some say it is the kid, because he witnessed all of this and did nothing.  He was never in any harm, physically.  

Or is this one of the first instances of the "ant-hero"

Amazingly enough, this whole opera is about the state of women in Europe at the time. How they suffered in many aspects of life, and in the end, the children were left motherless or fatherless.

Without discussing the harmonic and melodic complexity of the music, it should be noted that MUSIC has a social responsibility.  It isn't always meant to be beautiful, or to make you feel some variation of happy.  Sometimes it is political, or racially driven.  In this case, "sexually" driven, in the sense of male and female. 

So I come back to my point of who is the hero?
I say it is Wozzeck. Not because of the underdog effect, but because he gave into what we are as humans. We are jealous individuals, and fighting nature like that is ... well unnatural.  Yes, I agree that this is tragic... but I obviously see a correlation between this and Fight Club.

This sort of quasi- person you want to be but society has the thumb on you- kind of character
The anti- hero that the audience eventually wants to win.  But he never does. We look at entertainment as something to remove us from our own shitlives.. but we NEED that part to make the rest look great.

Works like Wozzeck force you to look and listen to how the human experience can be a dark and brutal bitch.  But it's ok... we need that to put the rest of our life into perspective

Because I'm getting old and crotchety

Received an email today.


Here was my response:


I feel like I am just a number with a dollar sign in front.  I don't feel like anyone in the graduate school cares enough about individuals education so much as they care about their own reputation.

There are high school kids taking AP courses and retaking the ACT and SAT to get higher grades so that schools will HELP pay for tuition. (not including the various fees)  Let's face it, its the United States Education System. When GRADUATE students come in, bright eyed and a little nervous to take the entrance exams to hopefully place out of remedial courses, our education and hard work still isn't good enough for you.  Therefore, we have to take the remedial courses before we can take our major classes, thus keeping us here longer and making us pay more and more each year.

As a DMA student, not only do I have to PAY for the recital credits I am required to do (12 credits total) I have to pay for accompanying and recording fees which can add up to $300 more.  I am paying more for my degree by the semester than most other majors are.  This is unfair and is indicative of the education system.

If you simply told us that you are a business, and not an institution that is meant to expand our knowledge, then perhaps I would be happier.  At least then I wouldn't feel like a victim of a ponzi scheme.

"The only thing that interferes with my learning, is my education" - Einstein 

Let's see how this goes.

One month in..

"I am happy to express from this darkness and draw a true picture of the condition in which I exist. I am moving towards a dark cave and a dark life in the shadow of a dark prison. This is a prison that does not know humanity, and does not know anything except the language of power, oppression and humiliation for whoever enters it. It does not differentiate between a criminal and the innocent."

As a precursor to my semester so far, I feel that quote to be fitting. Google it and you will see the horrible circumstances in which is was written. 

As it stands, this semester is of to a great start.  

HOW?

Because I am playing the game for once. I'm traveling down that path where I bow down to power, and bring myself "below my pay grade"

Regardless, rolling over does make life a little easier.  But at what cost?

Without getting too dark, (or darker) I'm working on some great music, and making a lot of progress.  
The only thing that scares me a bit is.... this time next year... I'll be in my last year of school ever.

This must be how my friends in my Master's felt... the ones that didn't go on... 

Other than a slight hiccup at the beginning of the semester (no need to go into what happened), it has been great to be back.

Now, time to shed, because there are gigs out there to be won!

The things we read

Most of the literature I read now-a-days are biographies.

Mostly because I'd rather read about how a person became what we know, but also to weed out the bullshit you hear about everyone.

Tonight I was reading something about George Roberts. If you aren't familiar with him, he is Mr. Bass Trombone. One of those highly influential LA studio musicians that made his presence felt.

Of course I have the upmost respect for Mr. Roberts, and his sound and passion are something to take into account, but to me, he isn't a hero of mine.  His philosophy behind music just doesn't sit well with me.  Although I agree with many things he says, I just have an a feeling it is easy to say those things when you are making a surplus in cash.

 For example:

"Eventually, you're going to have to play something beautiful for somebody. And if you can't, I think you've got serious problems. You've got to have, first of all, like a feeling of love for everybody. Hate loses. Negativity loses. That style always is a no-no. I can't remember when I heard a real--I can't use the word on your tape--but I can't remember when I've heard one of those type of people ever play anything really beautiful. They're too angry. That's not right. That isn't music."

A beautiful statement, but I am a human being and I don't have the capability to love everyone.
Yes, hate and negativity loses, and I agree that you will have to play something beautiful for someone, but that is a bold assumption to think you know what other people think is beautiful.

There is beauty in everything, and for some artists, getting that negativity out may be our way to get to the beauty.  Perhaps through that journey we find something beautiful.

Again, it is easy to look back on your life and make these kinds of statements, but in the moment, you are just trying to pay your bills, eat, and JUST maybe at the same time you are filling the void where words leave off.

Would you pay someone to hear that?

This is just a quick blog.

Over the years I have noticed that there are several young musicians that have no patience to live.

They rush through their years because they think something big happens. 

Let me be the one that breaks it to you:

Dreaming of something big doesn't mean something big will happen.

You have to live and experience a life before you can do anything. To quote Louis C.K. "you're fucking 20, what do you have to offer to society?"

Long story short, be present.  If there is anything that I have learned, the secret to success is to always be present.  

In the end, so many of us would be more successful if we played the game, even just a little bit.

We all know what I mean by the game.  That game where you suck up to your superiors, constantly try to be the shining student, the outstanding over achiever, etc.

Let's face it, some of us are stubborn and aren't followers.  

BUT, those of us who understand that if we played the game, and capitalized on all of its bullshit intricacies, then we could be put into a position to change it all.

The only way to figure it out is to live a life, and let the pieces fall where they may.

Wasted Girl calls me 50 times in transit from OKC to Chi Town

"But at least I don't have my bug bites anymore, so I don't look infected." Is a super classy conversation starter.

Although that has nothing to do with anything, I thought it was a funny moment of the morning.

I'm coming up on my last few weeks in Kentucky before I head back to that hell hole known as Texas.
Yes, as you can tell, I am not really looking forward to going back because of how everything ended last semester.

I have dwelled on it a bit, and have come to one simple conclusion: I realized I don't give a fuck.
So instead of being a little bitch about it, I am just going to do my job, play my ass off, and live my life.

On that "live my life" portion, I woke up with a greater sense of self, and decided to get back to things that matter to me musically.

A friend of mine hipped me to "100 Greatest of Blue Note" on Spotify, and it simply rejuvenated me in to playing with heart and facility.  The virtuoso's of our time are jazz players, and I want to get back to that track.

Although I love playing jazz, music is music. I don't have the speed or fluency as many of my fellow musicians, but my ideas and creativity are just as strong, and that is why we all sound different.

Capitalize on your strengths while working on your weaknesses.

Although UNT is a great school, it isn't for everyone.  I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I will either bite down and take it in the ass, or pick my shit up and head back north.  At any rate, I feel like I have to create things to look forward to when I get back.

For example, making some hanging tomato plants with peppers on top. Or starting to ride my bike a lot more often, thus doing bike maintenance. Or starting a new workout routine. I don't know... I know that last part is boring.

Or start my own group and get to fucking jamming.  I'm tired of this mediocrity filled world, time to fucking make some noise.

The Artist Never Stops

Now that I have a moment...

Let me catch up... I have just finished my second year at Ky GSA (link on the right) and it was a fantastic experience once again.

The only thing that I have to say is that this world is full of mediocrity and it takes something like this program to remind you that raw, unharnessed talent still exists.  It is just misdirected into public acceptance.

Yes, I do believe that we should pander to our audiences... and that we are servants to our craft... but that isn't the reason why any of us got into this world.

We got into it because we want to express ourselves!!!  Yes, do justice to those who came before you... but they are gone and you have to pick up the torch.

Stop waiting for permission and take the risk... because if you don't.. it is your story that you never told.


My experience these past few weeks has reminded me of where I come from and who I've met and what I've seen.

I got to recently play some tunes with the great pianist Harry Pickens and it reminded me that when you play with a musicians with such experience and such depth musically, and in Harry's case, human wisdom...he is a very heavy person who has been around the block a few times... he is quite experienced in life...  to be around someone like that... and the countless others... Dave Taylor, Dave Liebman, Markowitz... the list goes on... at such a young age for me... really left an impression on how this world is.

To find a photo recap of the last few weeks, please visit Smugmug

(you can browse the entire program and all of the incredible pictures taken by Kevin Flores)

peace and love before I head out to the military world that is Ky marching band.