Friday, December 28, 2012

State of the Art

A few days ago I stumbled across an article in TOPS magazine about a woman who stated the obvious. She doesn't particularly enjoy going to her kids band concerts.  She gives various reasons like poor acoustics (we all know how fun it is to play in a gym) repetitive repertoire (how many times have you heard a 6th grade band play the same thing) and so on.

I happened to agree with her statements, I don't enjoy going to those things either.
Naturally, I start to catch heat for my words, but my friends are polite enough to accept my difference of opinion.  BUT I did notice a trend.  The people that were so disgusted by her article, were people from the Lexington Louisville area.  These areas have great band programs with great things coming out of them each year.  SO naturally, those people are disgusted by the thought that someone could talk so badly about middle school "squawkers."

I know the woman is a member of the board of education... I don't see why that matters
I know she is a daughter of a musician... I don't see why that matters
I know she has several children go through that schools band program... I don't see why that matters


NOW COMES THE BLASPHEMOUS PART:
I agree with her statements in a different light.  I think the state of public education as a whole is way out of balance... but particularly that arts programs.  Yes, I know there are several statistics that say art makes for a well rounded person, but that isn't the issue to me.

There are too many mediocre "teachers" out there.  I've seen MANY friends barely pass through theory I that are now teaching kids.  I've seen people who can hardly hold up their instrument to play a jury walk across the stage to receive a teaching degree.

So back to what I feel the issue is... how can you be pumped to go hear a middle school band play... when the person in charge can barely spell a C major chord in 2nd inversion.  Fine, we aren't going to hear these kids play to inspire us or shock us... we are their to support and encourage... I refuse to encourage mediocrity from the teacher... by showing enthusiasm for a poorly played tuning note.  This kind of encouragement projects onto the kids that mediocrity is ok in this industry.

Look around now, do you see how saturated the arts industry is with bullshit?  It's because at some point, half of the "artists" that are out there were told, "Oh that's great sweetie, keep it up" When really, it is no better than that drawing your mom put up on the fridge when you were in kindergarten.




We live in a society that fears failure so much that we allow bullshit to lower our expectations.  AND YES, I do believe it starts at a young age, like the middle school age.

I think the worst part about this whole situation is that the author of the article will be forced to apologize to the few people who even READ this damn magazine.  She just stated her opinion and many people disagreed... via SOCIAL MEDIA... apparently that is enough to warrant a boycott anymore.  This woman is allowed to voice her opinion about anything at any time about anyone.  If there were restrictions on that... then what is the purpose of the first amendment...

If we don't have rules, then we are nothing more than savages.

I've said this before in some past blog about how I feel about arts funding.  I know many of my friends disagree, but I say cut it all.  When you look at the times in history when people stopped funding the arts... incredible works came out.  We were forced to look inward without the help of finances and all of the mediocrity was pushed aside.  Artists have higher standards when there isn't that cushion backing you up.  WHY? Because it is OUR livelihood... when have to be servants to the people because that is what society is... goods and services.  We connect to people through various mediums, and if we can get paid from it because it connected deeply... the so be it.


Though that last rant had nothing to do with middle school band programs... it has everything to do with it... One last note... they say that those who can, can.... and those who can't, teach.... well what happens when those that can't, fail?

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Silence is deadly

Taking a break from practicing and composing and thought I would blog.

I'm in my last week of Texas for the semester. No finals or anything, just needed some time to gather my funds to drive back home!!

Yeah, it's been a rough semester money wise, but shit happens.

So what do I do to not think about the lack of cash flow right now?
I practice and compose... and perform occasionally.

Maybe it is just me, but this place is dead right now... the small group scene is happening for sure...
but large ensemble stuff is lame.  I don't want to play "In the Mood" one more time.

Right now I have Pandora playing "Mostly Others Do the Killing" and that is what I want to play right now... this Don Cherry style composition mixed with different flavors that each musician brings to the group.


And then I think... there are so many performers out there today that will ever appreciate the longest second of their life... that moment of finishing a piece of music that no one has heard... and the audience not knowing if it is over.... and if they should applaud.. or if they even liked it...

That moment of silence is amazing.  It is deafening... that is the job of the performer... to convince someone into liking what you have to say

I think most artists are afraid of failure, and that silence is failure to them.  Innovators are the ones who don't have time to look up to see "failure" (JK).

Moral of the story, keep going, failure is relative.


Saturday, November 24, 2012

I'm mobile

I decided to download the blogger app. So now I can blog whenever. I'm sure I won't spam it up too much, that's what twitter is for.

The only thing I'd like to say right now is that I've started a soundcloud which you can find a link to on the right.
The majority of the art work is from my good buddy Joe King.

Enjoy the sounds, comment freely etc.
I'm sure ill be updating it regularly

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Recitals, Auditions and more

Felt I should do a quick update. Through the massive amount of preparation I've been doing these past few weeks, I forget to just sit down and type.

I successfully completed my DMA Chamber Recital a few weeks ago.  By far one of the more challenging experiences I've had but my teachers and friends all helped pull it together.

I've gotten great comments from people ranging from "Thank you for playing things NOT in the standard repertoire" to "that piece pissed me off, you'd play something really pretty and then you'd go left"

I don't really care what the reaction, I just want a reaction.  I think some of us have gotten so into perfection, that we forget about the audience.  And if someone in the audience has the balls to tell you how they really felt, then you've done your job.

It wasn't a perfect recital, but it was engaging. I feel comfort in that.

AT the same time, I passed the pre screening round for the Airmen of Note Bass Trombone spot.
Though I would love to get the gig, I don't know if the military will have me.

I've gone through this before with The Jazz Ambassadors, but because I am deaf in one ear, they had to turn me away.

I could have gotten a waiver, but the turn around wasn't quick enough for the audition. Now I know better, but I also have a lot more tattoos now and I am still deaf.  I just feel like I would be too big of a project for the Air Force to take on, and therefore not let me audition.

But I am hoping for the best.

At this point in the semester I am just going through the motions. I'm acing all of my classes and doing well in my playing. I am broke, but it is just that time of the year.  Basketball season is back, and the Patriots are winning their division.

On an artistic note, I am back to composing new material.  I found myself hunched over the computer this weekend writing an 8 movement Suite for 2 saxes, 2 trumpets, tenor and bass bone, bass and drums full of colors and effects.  (Should get a rise out of some folks)

Oh, and one last thing. I have started applying for college teaching jobs. Currently waiting to hear from one out in East Washington.

Back to the Shed

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Wozzeck

It has been awhile since I sat down and listened to this piece.
Based on a play by Georg Buchner, it is an intense story of a man and a woman, and oddly enough their child.

The man, Wozzeck, in my opinion is a victim of the typical story of jealousy. He has horrible nightmares and suspects his wife, Marie of being unfaithful.

Marie is devout in her religion and is in fact having feeling for another man... and everyone knows about it.  Wozzeck's rage takes over and is about to beat her. She then says, not even her father laid a hand on her, and that she would rather have a knife in her belly than a hand on her.

That is exactly what she gets later. Wozzeck murders her with a knife... his guilt consumes him as he is trying to wash the blood off and throw the knife away in the pond.  He drowns himself.

So what happens to the kid?  In this story, who is the hero? Some say it is the kid, because he witnessed all of this and did nothing.  He was never in any harm, physically.  

Or is this one of the first instances of the "ant-hero"

Amazingly enough, this whole opera is about the state of women in Europe at the time. How they suffered in many aspects of life, and in the end, the children were left motherless or fatherless.

Without discussing the harmonic and melodic complexity of the music, it should be noted that MUSIC has a social responsibility.  It isn't always meant to be beautiful, or to make you feel some variation of happy.  Sometimes it is political, or racially driven.  In this case, "sexually" driven, in the sense of male and female. 

So I come back to my point of who is the hero?
I say it is Wozzeck. Not because of the underdog effect, but because he gave into what we are as humans. We are jealous individuals, and fighting nature like that is ... well unnatural.  Yes, I agree that this is tragic... but I obviously see a correlation between this and Fight Club.

This sort of quasi- person you want to be but society has the thumb on you- kind of character
The anti- hero that the audience eventually wants to win.  But he never does. We look at entertainment as something to remove us from our own shitlives.. but we NEED that part to make the rest look great.

Works like Wozzeck force you to look and listen to how the human experience can be a dark and brutal bitch.  But it's ok... we need that to put the rest of our life into perspective

Friday, October 5, 2012

Because I'm getting old and crotchety


















Received an email today.


Here was my response:


I feel like I am just a number with a dollar sign in front.  I don't feel like anyone in the graduate school cares enough about individuals education so much as they care about their own reputation.

There are high school kids taking AP courses and retaking the ACT and SAT to get higher grades so that schools will HELP pay for tuition. (not including the various fees)  Let's face it, its the United States Education System. When GRADUATE students come in, bright eyed and a little nervous to take the entrance exams to hopefully place out of remedial courses, our education and hard work still isn't good enough for you.  Therefore, we have to take the remedial courses before we can take our major classes, thus keeping us here longer and making us pay more and more each year.

As a DMA student, not only do I have to PAY for the recital credits I am required to do (12 credits total) I have to pay for accompanying and recording fees which can add up to $300 more.  I am paying more for my degree by the semester than most other majors are.  This is unfair and is indicative of the education system.

If you simply told us that you are a business, and not an institution that is meant to expand our knowledge, then perhaps I would be happier.  At least then I wouldn't feel like a victim of a ponzi scheme.

"The only thing that interferes with my learning, is my education" - Einstein 


Let's see how this goes.

Monday, September 24, 2012

One month in..

"I am happy to express from this darkness and draw a true picture of the condition in which I exist. I am moving towards a dark cave and a dark life in the shadow of a dark prison. This is a prison that does not know humanity, and does not know anything except the language of power, oppression and humiliation for whoever enters it. It does not differentiate between a criminal and the innocent."

As a precursor to my semester so far, I feel that quote to be fitting. Google it and you will see the horrible circumstances in which is was written. 

As it stands, this semester is of to a great start.  

HOW?

Because I am playing the game for once. I'm traveling down that path where I bow down to power, and bring myself "below my pay grade"

Regardless, rolling over does make life a little easier.  But at what cost?

Without getting too dark, (or darker) I'm working on some great music, and making a lot of progress.  
The only thing that scares me a bit is.... this time next year... I'll be in my last year of school ever.

This must be how my friends in my Master's felt... the ones that didn't go on... 

Other than a slight hiccup at the beginning of the semester (no need to go into what happened), it has been great to be back.

Now, time to shed, because there are gigs out there to be won!

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

The things we read

Most of the literature I read now-a-days are biographies.
Mostly because I'd rather read about how a person became what we know, but also to weed out the bullshit you hear about everyone.

Tonight I was reading something about George Roberts. If you aren't familiar with him, he is Mr. Bass Trombone. One of those highly influential LA studio musicians that made his presence felt.

Of course I have the upmost respect for Mr. Roberts, and his sound and passion are something to take into account, but to me, he isn't a hero of mine.  His philosophy behind music just doesn't sit well with me.  Although I agree with many things he says, I just have an a feeling it is easy to say those things when you are making a surplus in cash.

 For example:

"Eventually, you're going to have to play something beautiful for somebody. And if you can't, I think you've got serious problems. You've got to have, first of all, like a feeling of love for everybody. Hate loses. Negativity loses. That style always is a no-no. I can't remember when I heard a real--I can't use the word on your tape--but I can't remember when I've heard one of those type of people ever play anything really beautiful. They're too angry. That's not right. That isn't music."


A beautiful statement, but I am a human being and I don't have the capability to love everyone.
Yes, hate and negativity loses, and I agree that you will have to play something beautiful for someone, but that is a bold assumption to think you know what other people think is beautiful.

There is beauty in everything, and for some artists, getting that negativity out may be our way to get to the beauty.  Perhaps through that journey we find something beautiful.

Again, it is easy to look back on your life and make these kinds of statements, but in the moment, you are just trying to pay your bills, eat, and JUST maybe at the same time you are filling the void where words leave off.







Friday, August 17, 2012

Would you pay someone to hear that?

This is just a quick blog.
Over the years I have noticed that there are several young musicians that have no patience to live.
They rush through their years because they think something big happens. 

Let me be the one that breaks it to you:
Dreaming of something big doesn't mean something big will happen.

You have to live and experience a life before you can do anything. To quote Louis C.K. "you're fucking 20, what do you have to offer to society?"

Long story short, be present.  If there is anything that I have learned, the secret to success is to always be present.  

In the end, so many of us would be more successful if we played the game, even just a little bit.

We all know what I mean by the game.  That game where you suck up to your superiors, constantly try to be the shining student, the outstanding over achiever, etc.

Let's face it, some of us are stubborn and aren't followers.  

BUT, those of us who understand that if we played the game, and capitalized on all of its bullshit intricacies, then we could be put into a position to change it all.

The only way to figure it out is to live a life, and let the pieces fall where they may.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Wasted Girl calls me 50 times in transit from OKC to Chi Town

"But at least I don't have my bug bites anymore, so I don't look infected." Is a super classy conversation starter.

Although that has nothing to do with anything, I thought it was a funny moment of the morning.

I'm coming up on my last few weeks in Kentucky before I head back to that hell hole known as Texas.
Yes, as you can tell, I am not really looking forward to going back because of how everything ended last semester.

I have dwelled on it a bit, and have come to one simple conclusion: I realized I don't give a fuck.
So instead of being a little bitch about it, I am just going to do my job, play my ass off, and live my life.

On that "live my life" portion, I woke up with a greater sense of self, and decided to get back to things that matter to me musically.

A friend of mine hipped me to "100 Greatest of Blue Note" on Spotify, and it simply rejuvenated me in to playing with heart and facility.  The virtuoso's of our time are jazz players, and I want to get back to that track.

Although I love playing jazz, music is music. I don't have the speed or fluency as many of my fellow musicians, but my ideas and creativity are just as strong, and that is why we all sound different.

Capitalize on your strengths while working on your weaknesses.

Although UNT is a great school, it isn't for everyone.  I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I will either bite down and take it in the ass, or pick my shit up and head back north.  At any rate, I feel like I have to create things to look forward to when I get back.

For example, making some hanging tomato plants with peppers on top. Or starting to ride my bike a lot more often, thus doing bike maintenance. Or starting a new workout routine. I don't know... I know that last part is boring.

Or start my own group and get to fucking jamming.  I'm tired of this mediocrity filled world, time to fucking make some noise.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

The Artist Never Stops

Now that I have a moment...

Let me catch up... I have just finished my second year at Ky GSA (link on the right) and it was a fantastic experience once again.

The only thing that I have to say is that this world is full of mediocrity and it takes something like this program to remind you that raw, unharnessed talent still exists.  It is just misdirected into public acceptance.

Yes, I do believe that we should pander to our audiences... and that we are servants to our craft... but that isn't the reason why any of us got into this world.

We got into it because we want to express ourselves!!!  Yes, do justice to those who came before you... but they are gone and you have to pick up the torch.


Stop waiting for permission and take the risk... because if you don't.. it is your story that you never told.


My experience these past few weeks has reminded me of where I come from and who I've met and what I've seen.

I got to recently play some tunes with the great pianist Harry Pickens and it reminded me that when you play with a musicians with such experience and such depth musically, and in Harry's case, human wisdom...he is a very heavy person who has been around the block a few times... he is quite experienced in life...  to be around someone like that... and the countless others... Dave Taylor, Dave Liebman, Markowitz... the list goes on... at such a young age for me... really left an impression on how this world is.

To find a photo recap of the last few weeks, please visit Smugmug

(you can browse the entire program and all of the incredible pictures taken by Kevin Flores)

peace and love before I head out to the military world that is Ky marching band.


Sunday, June 24, 2012

Week One

Week-end wrap up:

It is the end of the first week of Ky Governor's School for the Arts.  As of right now I have two things to say.

1) It is true what Lieb said, "We can always go to them, but they can't always come to us"
2) I'm proud that I am a musician.

On the first point, Lieb was talking about Jazz musicians vs. Classical musicians.  But I am talking about musician (instrumental and vocal) in general vs. the other disciplines.  Though they all have equal merit and weight... I feel that we possess the capacity to understand better than others.  WHY??

In architecture, the building you are creating serves a static function and aesthetic.  Visual Art,  New Media and so on share a similar attitude.  But with musicians and dancers and writers... we have to know our audience IMMEDIATELY... we have to be able to read the room.  They are witnessing the prep and performance all at once.

But musicians have another element of intangibility to add... We can't physically see music like we can see static art forms.  Yet... music effects us heavily.

The second point is just a statement I wanted to make.
I witnessed some great music by Ensemble Interface last night that blew me away.  Yet, the "open-minded" environment we want to send these kids into doesn't even exist amongst the faculty.

May I remind you that the founder of this group is a GSA alum... where do you think he got the ideas from!!!

I understand that the Cage style music is hard to understand... but you really have to know what Cage was about... and at the end of the day... he is always going to be much more of a musician than any of us.

The way I looked at last night's performance (which was insanely awesome) was that the performers beat the audience in the first round.  The vibe started out accepting.. then became curious... then accepted defeat.  I don't think Cage expected people to understand his music... but at least accept it..


The Instrumental Music kids were there and present.  But that is only a fraction of people... at the end of the day... if all we are going to do is keep looking back and playing the same old shit over and over again... why live... why learn... why take risks... why grow.

Just sit in your comfort zone and just let the rest of us move on without you.

Monday, May 21, 2012

Compartmentalized: Complete

The past few weeks, I've taken a break from writing to focus on other things.  Mostly focusing on doing nothing.  I practice and study random things here and there, but for the most part I had to take a creative hiatus. I don't know how Trane or Miles did it without going COMPLETELY insane... although that is up for debate.

I'm actually listening to trombone players for once.  I know I've publicly said I hate the sound of my instrument and that the literature is a drag.  And that is what prompted me to write new music and constantly manipulate sound.

Of course I still look up to my man Dave Taylor, but I don't hear a bass trombone when he plays... I hear something different. Like with Miles, I never heard trumpet, or Brecker, I never heard Sax.

Back to the matter at hand, I am currently doing research on original bass trombone compositions and of course discovered pieces (hundreds actually) that I have never heard of.  Granted, most of them are poorly written, but they gave me an idea of what composers expect from our instrument.

I haven't been writing lately because I don't really hear anything new.  I can come up with random melodies and harmonies... but I don't have any heart in them.

I think most importantly what is going on in my head is a conflict of interest.  Compositionally, I am done writing for duo (at the moment) but I haven't recorded them yet... so the project is still active.
I want to write more fusion stuff at the moment... but I don't actually want to write it out... I want to get comfortable with a group and just let things happen.

Then academically, I want to start writing for large mixed chamber ensembles.  All on top of my normal class load.

I'll eventually get it figured all out... It isn't like I am on a deadline or anything.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

First Year Round Up

Needless to say, my move to Texas was a bit of a change of pace.  My mentality belongs in the city, but it is always fun to explore and try new things.

Overall, it has been a successful year with playing and school.  Doctoral Committee, degree plan and thesis proposal are all under wrap.  I played a great recital and I made some great friends along the way.

What isn't fun is being treated like a child.  I haven't been a child since I was 5. I (along with my brother) had to grow up fast.  So when I am in an environment where this kindergarten world is at it's best... I have to feel a little bit threatened.  Maybe not threatened... but betrayed.

Giving a false sense of maturity then treating everyone like they are 18 is an issue in my book.  I do understand that if I say that... then just maybe I have been acting like an 18 year old.  If so, I apologize... but I don't think I am.

It doesn't take much to make a group turn on you.  It's just like performing, it's your job to convince US that you know what you are doing.  It is our job to feel trust and hope.

Take away the right to say "fuck" and
you take away the right to say "fuck the government
If you haven't performed in awhile... I don't expect you to know that feeling. Or... if you are up your own ass about performing and have NO connection to the audience... then why are you in the business?

This semester ended on a very dark note.  I refuse to make time with someone who has an issue with me... it is none of my business what other people think of me.  

But alas, that is the beauty of being an artist... you cannot make EVERYONE happy.  Some people dig what you do, and others don't.  All you can do is keep being honest about what you are and who you are... and hope that at the very least, people will tolerate you and find some sort of commonality.  

A friend of mine said this to me:
"A teachers greatest weakness is that they crave a need to feel that they have changed a student for the better."

He is right... but the problem is... who decided what is better and what is worse?
Since I wasn't consulted when that decision was made... I refuse to abide by those moral laws.

I should have seen this coming when my core group of friends were called out for always hanging out.
It's not like we were excluding people... it's just the natural flow of things... certain people attract others.  It's fucking nature.  Fine... we play the game and try to stop making it look so close knit.
Big problem... the circle gets to big and the comfort level gets larger.  The information in the circle starts leaking out and the wrong people get misinterpreted information.  This causes a mass meeting that perpetuates dark attitudes.

Again, I can't let one issue determine and define and entire year of school.  The overall vibe has been great.  My MM2 will be the first to tell you how dark we can get... and the only way we got through it was by hanging out and having fun.  We did our jobs... made our connections... got paid and got the grades.  Maybe that isn't enough for people down here.

So comes that cloud of... should I stay or should I go.

Play from your fucking heart!!
On a final note. Something that bothers me is this whole "play well with others" thing
I get it... and if I heard that a few years ago I might agree with it.  
Instead I heard, "Would you rather be in a band full of nice guys that can't play, or assholes that can?'
I chose "assholes that can"  

Of course, my friends aren't any bigger of assholes than me... so the chemistry is there when we play.  We find people we like playing with and that's why we do this.  It's hard to play with people you don't trust, and therefore you turn into an asshole and get labeled "doesn't play well with others"

Like it matters.  That's why orchestras exist, and combo groups, it isn't elitist... it is just the best group of people that click.

That being said... maybe I don't click with the majority down here.. and I SHOULD be tossed aside. 
But at the very least... I'd rather it be on MY terms... not anyone else's. 


Monday, May 7, 2012

You can only rebuild when you reach rock bottom

I'm more of an open book than I put on. I'm more than happy to tell people how I feel, my opinions, my backwards ass beliefs (or non beliefs) but no one strops to ask where they all came from.

Honestly, the only answer I can come up with is that we are the summation of our life choices.  The paths I have taken, the people I have met (the people I have lost for that matter) have all shaped what I am today.  If someone has an issue with it, then that isn't my problem...

When someone try's to change who you are, they are asking you to completely forget about everything in your past.  Start from scratch.  Some people like that... but I am not a self loathing piece of shit and am quite proud of where I come from.

Than being said, what do you do when you meet someone with the exact same mentality, thinks they are stronger willed than you, and potentially signs your fate for the rest of your life?


One of you is going to have to swallow your pride if you want it to work, or one of you is going to have to walk away.  When neither of you have nothing to lose... it makes the situation a little tougher.
Regardless, that is the beauty of life, you already know the answers... but sometimes you wish they weren't right.

"If the tale that were unfolding were not so monstrous, aspects of it would break the heart"
~Jean Stafford~


Have you ever wondered why so many people drink... particularly artist?
Next time you are in a bar, go to the bathroom and read the stalls... it's the last safe place for the belligerence that is the human emotion.

You'll see stuff like "MIKE WAS HERE"
Translates to... I want someone to remember me

Or random band names "METALLICA" or "KoRn"
Translates to... These bands were there when nothing else was, they can be there for you too

Or the inevitable deep thought like "Don't live life for retirement"
translates to... well.. Don't live life for retirement

Alcohol, drugs whatever your poison... it releases that evaluative part of your brain and allows you to just exist.  I am not saying that everyone should do any substances... but I am saying that people need to stop giving a damn and just be.

At the end of the day... instead of worrying about the people you were trying to impress... you have to ask if you are happy with where YOU are.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Reciting

Although this isn't my first rodeo when it comes to preparing for recitals and all the paperwork and bullshit that goes into it, I am looking forward to playing some pieces that most people at this school have never heard.
Mindlessly blowing my brains out.

The biggest issue is rehearsing.  Rather, rehearsing so that the music stays fresh.  When you play and perform with people that know what they are doing, it makes everything easier.  In that aspect, this past week of rehearsals have been cake.  But each time we play, my mind thinks of something different, and I have to do what my ear tells me to.

I don't know how Miles and Trane did it.  No wonder they needed drugs or God to get them through their careers.

Regardless, this Thursday will be fun, but with the mindset of it being just another hoop to jump through.
At the end of the day, it is for the music.

Step back from thinking that all eyes are on you when performing, it's quite humbling to think of everything it took to get you where you are.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

The Creative Process

There is no "formula" for how to be creative.
If anything, it is trial and error.

For the most part, when we are stuck, its not because the task at hand is bad,
it's because we don't fully believe in our capabilities. Or trust the outcome to be to our standards.
Fuck our standards. Let's face it, look at the standard that shows like American Idol and the Voice and all of that other bullshit sets.  You're going to tell me you can't do better than that?

Perhaps being overly trained (and yes, I fall into that category as well) hurts us.  We know too much, we've seen how great and how shitty things can be.

Be the person who escapes the prison of
self doubt and knowledge.
It's like being a doctor and having a child.  They will jump at every sneeze or cough, because they have seen things go wrong.  In reality, it's probably the sniffles, but still there is that burden of knowledge.

I am a generation brought up under the mantra, "Knowledge is Power"
Fuck having power, I say let go!!!
Stop trying to control everything. It's pathetic.

Back to the point... what kind of artist are you?
One that does it for the money, the fame, or to keep art alive?

We all want to be paid for what we do. This doesn't make you a sell out, it makes you a product of capitalism.. being famous is out of someones control, so don't strive for fame.  If the art is good or bad, it still exist and perpetuates the symptoms of criticism. So what is the creative process?

Step One: Let Go!
Lesson Complete

The art of art is simple. It's about self expression; to convey the entire spectrum of human emotions.  I suppose here, having a little more knowledge is essential.  But human emotion is not taught... it is experienced.

Our issue is balancing our being
mind-intellect-head-thought-ideas.... or
body-technique-hand-facility-tools....or
spirit-extension-heart-feeling-emotions.


"Nothing is out of the question for me. I’m always thinking about creating. 
My future starts when I wake up in the morning and see the light…Then I’m grateful"

That is enough to think about don't you think?  So why the hell do we put ourselves through years and years of school... because society says so and the government needs money.  Regardless, we need teachers and I am not saying abandon education... (perhaps I am saying abandon the CURRENT education system)

My biggest point is, look within. Art is not math, it is intangible, it doesn't have a strict wall surrounding it.  From my personal experience, I am trying to write a suite of sorts, but am struggling.  I as frustrated that I couldn't get the right ideas out on paper.  Then it hit me, I am too absorbed in something else right now, a different kind of writing.  I HEAR duo stuff with piano right now,  and I am trying to force my mind to hear and see something I am not ready for.  I will eventually get to that point, but I am not under a deadline.  I remember being in class and having a composition due the next week over the concepts we just learned, I wasn't immersed in the concepts long enough to HEAR them, so the composition came out sounding 3 weeks old. Why? Because I finally heard the concepts we learned about 3 weeks ago.

Of course, good teachers recognize how compartmentalized school is, and accept that not every student can catch on as quickly as others, but it can be a real drag when you want to write something but your mind is just out of balance.

Give yourself time, and everything will fall in place.  To truly master something, it takes practice of more than just the techniques...


Friday, March 16, 2012

Let's Evolve.

 Paul Hindemith advocates the restoration of instruments and performing practices of Bach’s age.  Therefore saying that a composer only fits in the restraints of his own time, therefore, constructing instruments of the time would give back the essence of what the composer really intended.  This can be seen as a modern invention, rather than a return to the past.  Theodor Adorno feels that reconstructing the past is in the wake of depersonalizing forces of industrialism and capitalism.   It is a sense of irreversibility, and leaning toward modernistic ideas.
I say never be complete. I say stop being perfect.
I say let's evolve. Let the chips fall where they may



       Taruskin uses Stravinksy as an example that even when you compose in the past (his neo-classical era) it is still riddled with twentieth century concepts.  The ears are tuned into the sound of Stravinsky, not the sounds of the classical era.  Therefore, we would have to start from scratch and never have given our ears the chance to hear what we’ve already heard.  There isn’t an authentic representation of the past; it will always be a copy of a copy. SO why even try?
      Nikolaus Harnoncourt  was recording with early instruments in the 1960’s and wrote several essays on his "pioneering period" that ultimately popularized the virtues of associating early music with its original performance practice.  For some reason, just because you write essays and make a recording or two, you suddenly become the authority.  The popular, mainstream idea.


      Laurence Dreyfus builds on Adorno’s view but adds the question “ why the historically 'correct' performance of music should become such a particular issue in the late twentieth century?”  He also states how wrong it is to refer to this view as a “thing”.  A few other critics are Joseph Kerman, with his observations on musicology and how ALL points of musicology should point towards criticism, rather than studying music as an artifact.  Richard Taruskin (well respected music scholar) criticizes historically informed performances, or HIP (leave it to the non performing musicologist to make "hip" un hip) being a symptom of twentieth century modernism.
           
     Modernism fames on defamiliarization, as does HIP with earlier music.  HIP is a symptom of twentieth century modernism. HIP can be counter-cultural by overthrowing accepted models of musical taste, and threatens civilized society.  Leads to equality of members, no sense of hierarchy, crossover between professional and amateur performance and on the same level as the audience. 
     


      Robert Morgan links HIP to society as a whole characterized by insecurity, uncertainty and self-doubt. Anxiety for short.  He criticizes the overwhelming amount of multi-culturalism in music based on an unawareness of the current state of music.  Saying that all culture is available is saying the same as no culture at all.   HIP is a last resort for western music.  There isn’t a clear divide between the past and the present.  Lately, I've noticed music and art as a whole coming out of a "museum culture" mentality. Combining nearly dead items of culture in one place and expecting it to be something new and invigorating.  I have highly strong opinions about this.  Although I do understand that lineage is important, we can’t keep living in the past.  The reason most of those “timeless” pieces are timeless, is NOT because we keep playing them, but rather the incredible amount of ingenuity and IN THE MOMENT character they have.
   
      Jumping ahead with HIP being apart of a museum, culture is a conception of the sanctity of places and times, persons and offices, customs and rites.  Resurrecting past ensemble stylings perpetuates the inequality of the political system.  In the end, restoring the past does not bring the original political connotations with it. (Replace ensemble stylings with anything.) What most of us do in the present has nothing to do with wanting to change the future. Likewise, we don't anticipate having the people look back on our accomplishments to try and recreate the social environment.  

      Responsibility. What I understand the word to mean in music is, the composer has a job and the performer has a job and the audience has a job.  Don’t try to be all three.  There is a sense of responsibility that Taruskin implies that most musicians WANT to be all three so they can experience the music in all three perceptions. To give credit where credit is due.  The composer as an authority, in some artists minds, there is never any place for the performers interpretation, only the audiences interpretation.

      Taruskin does mention that reconstructing should add to the creative pile, NOT replace the pile entirely.  He says tradition is cumulative and therefore has many steps, accepting and messy, or in other words, human.  Music is not about what is on the page, but the interaction, and reaction.  HIP is productive if it spawns its own tradition.

      On a final note, evaluate yourself, are you a "straight" performer or a "crooked" performer.  The words may be misleading, so I'll define them. Straight performance is one that does exactly what’s on the page with audience expectations that are meant and satisfied.  Crooked performances are “real artists” who don’t respond to generic demands that can be classified, but by personal and intensely subjective imagination.
     

     I prefer to be crooked.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Update

The past few weeks I have been uploading videos to youtube.  They are mostly for my own use.  I get random ideas that I am much too lazy to write out, so I decide to tape them and upload them for future reference.

Of course some shameless self promotion is never bad... if the right person sees them... and offers me something... then so be it.


Regardless, something has recently come to my attention about our education system... particularly the one I came from.

I have some band students coming to me asking for help in "general music".  Initially I laugh because they should be fine...but after talking with them, I find that they are being confused by the general music teacher.  In other words, the general music teacher is awful and is complicating the simplest of music theory.

Without slandering the teacher... I started to think about the potential of how inferior other teachers may be...  The only reason these band kids can question this teacher is because they have some sort of understanding of the material.. They aren't being blindly taught theories and applications... they have actually used these concepts and have played the notes.  They already have a basic understanding of music.

What if  the student has parents who are biologist, the student brings home an assignment from biology and the parents notice how incorrect the assignment may be.  Otherwise, the student would never have known any different if what they were being taught was right or wrong.

Same goes for english class, math, art, etc.  Students RELY on the teachers to tell the truth... the average students doesn't take the initiative to research on their own, and therefore depend on the teachers.

Think about how the years have gone by and you realize either how invaluable, or useless, or WRONG the education you received actually was.  Of course, there are few of us that went straight into the real world and found out what we actually needed to know.

The fact of the matter is, if I ever have kids, I will probably walk into the teacher's room and ask for their transcript before I let them teach.

I say this because I know MANY people who have graduated with Music Ed degrees and were terrible at their instrument and received LOOOOW marks in theory and history classes.  The only difference is, they figured out how to work the system to do the least amount of work possible for the greatest gain.

Another case for the "Think for yourself, question authority" campaign.  Force your teachers to PROVE they know what they are talking about, don't take their word for it.

Friday, March 2, 2012

A pedagogical follow up



For many years now I have had students and colleagues ask about my “warm-up routine”.  For the most part, my “warm-up” is just to make sure my horn is in working condition; Checking valves, slides, etc.  What most people are really asking is “How to you practice?”

While living in New York City, I had to adapt to my surroundings and was forced to practice with a mute.  Of course this isn’t ideal but I had noticed a change. Instead of focusing on my sound and tone production, I was focused on playing with ease and intonation (since the mute changes pitch a bit).

Naturally, after taking the mute out I was playing very relaxed and my tone was just fine. Maybe a side benefit, but the mute turned my focus of attention away from making the perfect sound, to playing with ease and in tune.  The tone seemed to take care of itself.

After thinking of analogies, I realized it is similar to a baseball player swinging a bat with weights on it, to “warm-up” before the moment he had to do his job of hitting the ball.
The added weight (or mute in my case) turned the attention away from a single aspect, and ultimately to a net gain in my overall playing.

After teaching for a few years, I noticed my students would live by long tone studies and various other exercises and don’t really know why.  They just do them because they are told it will help their overall playing.  This “warm-up” routine that I follow is exactly that, a warm-up.  In my mind, it is the equivalent to an athlete warming up their body before an event.  Most athletes don’t sprint right from the beginning; instead they stretch to loosen up.  The more relaxed you are, the more productive the session will be.

The idea of air is controversial, and this is not a routine to analyze how to breathe.  We’ve been breathing since day one, no need to teach that. The goal in these ratio-based exercises is to ease the body into a normal practice session.  By adding on a beat of music incrementally, the body has enough time to get comfortable to the demand that playing music requires.  Again, it isn’t good for the body if the first note played is an 8 beat long tone; that’s the equivalent of waking up first thing in the morning and sprinting as fast as you can out the front door; You can do it, but you won’t make it very far at the same pace.

The beauty in these exercises is that they are not written in stone.  The fundamental idea is for incremental breath to beats of music ratio.  The beats of music you play do not have to be these exact exercises. 

On a final note, this is designed to be a short “warm-up” that precedes any flexibility exercises, scale patterns, or any other “daily maintenance” exercises already in place.  This is just to get the body and the air moving.  At the end of the day, the goal is to make music!


This is not all my own creation, nothing is new anymore, but it is something I endorse.
Feel free to look and try... it's just what I do, doesn't mean you will be like me in any manner... which is a great thing.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Such a Classicist... I can leave an Impression

Yesterday I performed an obscure French pieces by Pierre Lantier titled Introduction, Romance, et Allegro. 
This is a piece I can live with! There was so much beauty in the music that I didn't even have to TRY to figure out how to make it come to life.

A fellow bass trombonist describes the piece:
Although quite satisfying, the three movement work is rarely played. The opening movement is beautiful and has an ethereal quality that reminds one of an impressionistic painting. The second movement opens with a playful theme before turning to a more serious mood. The last movement is very rhythmic and concludes with an open cadenza. Extended harmonies in the piano and chromaticismin the solo part are both prevalent throughout the three movements.


Chromaticism??? Yes please. Regardless of it's obscurity... I enjoyed playing written music for once... 


Honestly, if it weren't for the French and Jazz composers... none of us would be working.


You can listen to the performance here.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Thanks Lou

This week has been a great playing week for me.
Let Go
After weeks of feeling unsure and doubting my playing, my teachers fulfilled their promises in a single lesson.

First, in my brass pedagogy class, we discussed "breathing". Now this is has always been unusual to me, since I have breathing since the day I was born.  Most brass players will get caught up in the ideas of correct breathing or textbook routines. 
"If you follow this method, you'll sound like the player who wrote it down"

Not to say that these method books are bad, just sometimes people take them to literal.. and do more damage than good.  Back to breathing, the number one routine step most of us do, is play long tones. Breathe in, play a Bb for 4 beats, slur down to an A breathe on beat 4. Repeat down chromatically.  AKA Remmington #1.  (From Emory Remmington)  The issue is an intake of 1 and blow of 7. a 1-7 ratio.  This is not how the body NATURALLY functions.  When brass players start their day this way... they spend the next 20 mins trying to get relaxed... they have induced a sense of tension.  This leads to perhaps starting the day with a 1-1 ratio. In (with a relaxed, conversational breath) for 1 beat blow a note for one beat, repeat up the scale.  Then move to a 1-2 ratio, in for 1 blow the note for 2 beats. ETCETERA until you reach a comfortable goal.  Now my friends will notice that this is much more methodical than I am used to, but it didn't hurt to try... as a matter of fact, it felt great!!! 

The next little lesson came from the notion of the actual intake of air.  Action or reaction??  Is the reaction of breathing in blowing the note? NO!! That is what everyone is taught.  Instead, the reaction of blowing out is breathing in (to survive) again, something I've been doing since day 1 of existing.  When a brass player breathes in, it is similar to sneaking up behind someone and spooking them.  The tension and quick breathe in... anxious feeling... The mind recognizes the similarities and therefore... playing is fear based.  The initial quick intake is done in fear of not having enough air... this is ass backwards... the body should be relaxed on the intake... not tense.

Again, it's like telling someone to not focus on focusing.  There isn't a correct nomenclature for this... it's just trial and error.  

Just Go With It
The biggest lesson came from helping a friend who is struggling with these concepts.  We put the metronome on a quick enough tempo (80 or so) and played one note back and forth descending chromatically.  G---G---F#---F#-----G----G----F----F--- etc... we did that for an hour.  What this does is allows the player to aurally hear and physically feel where the resonance meets the sound to create the tone.  By having a partner to do this with, and doing it at a quick tempo.... you don't have time to think... you just BLOW....

The biggest issue with most musicians is that we think too much... Over thinking and over analyzing separates the body from the mind.  (to quote Tool)

Why was this so important... because I realized that I didn't come here to become more creative or to inspire me... I'm already quite driven and you can't force creativity.  I came here to learn how to play more efficiently and play in good mental and physical health so I can continue to do this for the rest of my life.  You just have to learn to let go, because you never know who or what is going to take you left!

Friday, February 10, 2012

In the Pursuit of Happiness

This past week has been a bit of a struggle.  Other than the Patriots losing the Super Bowl... I've started thinking that I have made the wrong decision about coming down to Texas.
Weekend Workstation

It's a drag really, coming down here with expectations of easier living... but artistically NOTHING is happening down here.  At least back in the city, I may have been struggling, but I was working on the shit I wanted to, and was developing my own thing.

Being surrounded by mediocrity is not my thing... being surrounded by the past is not my thing....
"going against the current" IS my thing.

I've never accepted everything to be written in stone, I always question... that's what we are raised to do!

Being treated like a child is not part of my life either... I had to grow up fast, and to be talked down to... even in a large group... irks me to no end.

BUT, after talking to several friends and teachers across the nation this week, I've come to a conclusion:
"Sometimes you have to do the things you don't want to do, in order to figure out what you do want to do."

I will stay here at UNT for the semester, and most likely next year... but who is to say I will finish the degree here... or even finish the degree.

I've declared that if a job opportunity comes up... I'm taking it. (but everyone is saying that)

Even typing that I realized that I have fallen victim to this mediocre mentality. I am a creator... fuck waiting on something to come up... I am going to make something happen.

Friday, February 3, 2012

Life

It has been over a year since I last spoke to my dad.... coming up on a year since I last saw my dad
Tonight... I realized one of the many reasons why I miss him


He taught me MANy things... notice the word MAN... yes... I was a MAN raised by a MAN... someone who took up for themselves.. who said "Fuck you" to the status quo... someone who didn't even know that status quo was a "thing"


We all look up to someone... and I have met and engaged many times with my idols... but my dad...
The person you meet... when you meet me... the ideas and the life you see... all comes from him.

I miss my dad... and yes I am  pissed that he is gone.. yes I feel it to be unfair... and YES... I wish he was here

but at the end of the day... he taught me to live on my own.. without help.

I love you dad.
and like I said this time last year... everything I do now... is for you.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

The Fundamental issue with the Education system

Is it's ran by morons.
School's are businesses, and the only way to get anything done is to treat them like businesses.

This is now my THIRD school I have attended since I graduated from High School, I think I have figured this out to the point of insanity.

EXAMPLE: I want to do a recital this semester. By UNT standards, I need to sign up for "Dissertation" hours in order for it to count towards my degree. This makes perfect sense, I have to do 4 recitals including a lecture recital and I need 12 hours in dissertation credit to complete the degree.

You also need 16 hours of lessons to complete your degree... so that means... 2 set of credits are geared toward the same material. Obviously in "Dissertation" I am working on recital prep... as would I be doing the same if it were just classified as "lessons".

Excuse me, are you charging me extra for the same instruction? I thought I was being paid to play at this school, NOW I have to pay for 3 more credits on top of lessons to play a REQUIRED recital for the degree. I am being paid to play music for a school in which I have to pay money to play????

Oh I get it, you are trying to get your money back aren't you?  That isn't how a business is ran!!!! You hire someone and then expect them to pay YOU!??

Furthermore, to soften the blow, administration tells you " at least you get to break the dissertation hours up over the course of 3 years, other Doctoral majors have to take it all in their last semester"

WRONG!! I guarantee anyone who is a Doctoral candidate is spending as many hours in the library and in the field as I do in the practice room and analyzing music.  The only difference is... I get to pay a little every year, and they pay a lump sum at the end of their degree...

WAIT A SECOND!!!! We all know tuition goes up every year... so I am paying more on the credit every year since I am breaking the total 12 dissertation credits up 4 times... as opposed to paying the flat rate tuition for a total of 12 hours. I AM PAYING MORE FOR MY DEGREE OVER A LONGER PERIOD OF TIME!!!!

Obviously I am pissed, these are the obstacles you go through that this business doesn't warn you about.
There are high school kids busting their asses taking AP courses and retaking the ACT and SAT to get higher grades so that schools will  HELP pay for tuition. (not including the bullshit fees)  Let's face it, its the United States Education System... when those unsuspecting freshmen come in bright eyed and a little nervous to take the entrance exams to hopefully place out of remedial courses... their education and hard work still isn't good enough for you... therefore.. they have to take the remedial courses before they can take their major classes... thus keeping them there longer and making them pay more and more each year.


FUCK YOU!! you are robbing kids of their education... Let me remind you, you gave us that "great" president who started "No Child Left Behind" and look where that got us... yeah yeah.. there are some perks of course... but now the kids are getting left behind because they can't afford to go to school anymore!!!!!

AND ON THAT NOTE!! Why in music, will I have to take MORE theory classes... what else is there that I haven't learned in my undergrad or master's??? let me rephrase that... WHAT INFORMATION ARE YOU KEEPING FROM ME WHERE I HAVE TO PAY YOU AND STAY IN SCHOOL FOR 3 MORE YEARS TO GET SAID INFORMATION?

The Education system is broken just like everything else in this country... then you drive down the road and see someone homeless... and you are thankful that you had the opportunity to get an education.

This is a rant, no time to consider syntax, phrase structure or anything along those lines.  You see these posts all the time about individuals complaining about school... to only find the essay littered with flaws of grammar and such... I understand now... when people are mad... they can only speak the way the feel... it is raw and emotional... and you can't grade that.. so put your pens away and take me off of your 4.0 scale... I'm done with that... our greatest minds spent years in school... then spent the rest of their lives trying to forget everything they learned.

"The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education."-Einstein

Monday, January 23, 2012

I got a new toy.







It's a contrabass trombone.  I don't really have a "how low can you play complex" I just like the way the damn thing sounds!!

I've been attempting to figure all of it's little twists out and all that noise. But here is what I've been able to accomplish in a few hours.





That video is kind of a response to Colin Stetson doing his thing on bass sax
The power is nothing without control